now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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