She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
