Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
