So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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