you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
