I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
