she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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