I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
