You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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