so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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