I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
