final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
