im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
