I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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