Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
