first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
