You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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