how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
