she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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