I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
