just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
ttyl tear gas
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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