My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I accidentally burped into my bong.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
