i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
