how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
3pm strippers are depressing
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
