While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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