Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
