look no pants
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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