I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
