If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
