I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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