I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
