He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
