What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
