Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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