im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
