if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
