He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
