well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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