You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
