He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
