Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
