You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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