Well apparently he's into motor boating.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
