you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
