the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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