It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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