When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
