You really coming over, don't trick.
oh god the rape fog is back!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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