R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
