I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
