Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
